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You can only offer -yourself- unconditional love, -not- anyone else

August 23, 2019

Not long ago I was talking about unconditional love with someone.

They were asking around offering their partner unconditional love.

I had to stop them for a moment.

"Offering unconditional love from one human being to another human being isn't possible," I said.

"...in my opinion."

Photo by  Aziz Acharki

Photo by Aziz Acharki

If you offer someone unconditional love, your needs and desires can no longer be met.

You'll martyr yourself on behalf of another.

They don't want that.

You don't want that either.

The true goal?

Love yourself unconditionally.

And then you'll model to others how to do the same.

Photo by  Matthew T Rader

Here are three steps for loving yourself unconditionally:

STEP ONE: Connect with Unconditional Love

Connect with a piece of you that is love, that is loving. It may be a color or a sensation within your body. It might be a shape or a character, perhaps an archetype.

Notice the location of this piece of you. Oftentimes I find this piece of me in the center of my chest or over my heart.

STEP TWO: Expand Unconditional Love

Breathe into the location and sensation or imagery of the piece of you that is unconditional love. See if you can expand it on your inhale and relax and deepen into it on your exhale.

Notice if you can make this unconditional loving piece of you bigger by 3% or 7%.

STEP THREE: Offer Unconditional Love

Find a piece of yourself within you that needs unconditional love right now. It may be an inner child piece, a hurt piece of you, a lost piece of you. What piece of you needs to be loved?

From this piece of you that is unconditional love, offer love to this piece of you that needs it. Surround it in love. Shower it in love. Wrap it in love. Breathe love to this piece and exhale into deep relaxation. Keep doing this for a few moments.


Offer yourself unconditional love and watch how your capacity to love others shifts as you learn to love yourself deeper.

Sending you the reminder that you are love,
Daniela