Shaun and I recently had a fight where both of us went to bed feeling triggered, hurt, and confused.
It started when I read him a piece from a book I am writing. And as if that wasn’t scary enough, I went on to share some uncomfortable and self-conscious feedback I was receiving from colleagues.
The one-two punch of self-motivated vulnerability led to a huge wave of nausea.
My stomach was in knots, and once or twice I caught myself looking toward the door as if I might run outside and throw up.
It wasn't pretty.
With the naked exposure and discomfort I was feeling, naturally I launched into a blood bath of accusations toward Shaun.
He, in turn,—and rightfully so—felt hurt and angry.
The things I blamed him for may have been true a few years ago, but Shaun has worked hard to listen to my needs and to respond lovingly.
Those things I said aren’t true of him now. They aren’t even true of me now.
So what the hell happened?
In my vulnerability, I’d triggered projections of other people who had ignored me, abandoned me, neglected me, and contributed to me feeling invisible.
And then I took those images, and I put them on Shaun like a costume—like he was dressed up as a person who had hurt me in the past.
I got caught in a circle, in a web of emotion. I had no where to go, but I wasn’t going down alone. If I was going down, I was going to bring Shaun with me.
You’ve been there, right?
I know I'm not alone in this.
Shortly after I was introduced to a projection exercise meant for conflict resolution. I thought our conflict was resolved.
I'm an ass. End of story.
But shit if it wasn’t insightful, overwhelming, and cathartic not just for my mind but for my body, too.
That's why I am looking for five volunteers who would like to be guided through this projection exercise within the next two weeks.
I am searching for people who are in a relationship, but they can do the exercise either or alone or together with their partner and me.
The entire process takes approximately 30-50 minutes.
And while I prefer to do the exercise in person in my office, for those of you who are long distance, we can do it via Skype, FaceTime, Google chat, or Facebook video.
Keep in mind this exercise is good for working through an issue you are having as a couple. It’s for going into the issue and exploring it. This practice allows you (and your partner) to complete a stress response, heal a past wound, and see clearly how a reoccurring conflict or argument is connected to something you’ve experienced in the past.
Just like the fight Shaun and I had that had nothing to do with reality and everything to do with being triggered into the past.
So let's find some time together, and make it happen.
I want nothing more for you than to heal the past so you can truly connect with those you love in the present.
Light and love,