I've been waking up angry.
Throughout my days I'll find moments of connection and even moments of peace.
And then BOOM!
Another wave of rage will wash over me.
Like a teenager I want to stomp my feet and jump up and down and throw a tantrum and yell
! FUCK THIS !
as loud as I can.
On the most recent episode of the The Epic Couple's Journey Podcast,Shaun and I have been talking about recent blocks we are experiencing to intimacy, connection, and sex.
Yes, we were on a family trip for five days.
Yes, we were both trying to check in with work while we resting in the hotel room.
And the real blockage?
So how can you offer your partner peace during triggering times?
Here are three steps you can follow:
STEP ONE: Be Gentle With Yourself
Pushing through trauma or triggers or having unrealistic expectations around sex and intimacy is the quickest way to destroy trust and organic chemistry.
Be gentle with yourself and with your partner when it comes to blocks like these that are more than just resistance and require love and compassion.
STEP TWO: Communication
Deep intimacy is forged in moments like these.
Can the two of you be strong and vulnerable to share what you're experiencing and what you're feeling without needing to change it or avoid it? Ask and find out.
STEP THREE: Soothe the Nervous System
Your partner may be overwhelmed, anxious or even panicked.
You may be panicked or anxious or overwhelmed with how to respond.
Both of your nervous systems could possibly use some soothing. Start by sitting next to each other, closing your eyes, and begin to breathe together. Invite a synchronization of your breaths...perhaps both of you opening your mouth slightly so you can hear one another's inhales and exhales.
Just as if you were walking down the street together, be curious about lengthening or shortening your inhales and exhales to match your partner's, spending about 50% of your attention on your breath and what you're experiencing and about 50% of your attention on your partner's breath and what they're experiencing.
And just keep breathing together....
We can all get caught up in our habitual reactions and trauma, and that's okay.
It's there to protect us and ensure we survive.
In a world where our bodymind can't tell what's a real lion chasing us and what is a shadow of an experience we've had as a child...it makes so much sense to turn toward our partner and offer support for them and for ourselves.
Sending you both so much love,