"Daniela, I think your orgasm is playful," my teacher said.
A year ago I was at a training and retreat in Mexico doing embodiment practices and integrating various pieces of my bodymind.
I set an intention one afternoon to connect with my orgasm...and experienced this giant, colorful, bubbly energy that came out to play.
When I shared this with my teacher to get her take on it, she surprised me with her [obvious] response.
"Daniela, I think your orgasm is playful."
But I'm so SERIOUS.
I'm SO ORGANIZED.
I'M SO RESPONSIBLE.
It really threw me for a loop.
Then I remembered just how much fun I had during that training being naked [see my blog on 5 Things to Do Before Getting Naked in Public] and playing in the ocean....
It wasn't in a super sexy, look-at-me way but in a I-am-free-and-this-feels-amazing way!
It was easy to find the fun, though, when I was in a tropical jungle with fifty other women being fed delicious food and being completely unplugged from electronics and society.
What I've learned is that it can be incredibly difficult for me to find the fun with my partner in our everyday life.
So how do you find the fun amongst domesticity and responsibility?
Here are four steps to making it happen:
STEP ONE: Ask
Finding the fun in your relationship starts with asking: Do you want to find the fun in your relationship today?
It may not be the right time. It may not be the highest priority for you.
You also want to ask your partner: Do you want to find the fun with me today?
They may not be in a position to have fun right now, in which case let it go...and also keep showing up and asking in future moments.
STEP TWO: Listen to Your Bodymind
Internal pieces of you may not want to find the fun in your relationship. Listen to them.
They may be concerned with feeling safe, loved, or like they belong. Honor them. Acknowledge them. Hold them. A voice that sounds like your mother or father or early caregiver may shut down the fun not to ruin the party but because it wants to be heard.
STEP THREE: Invite Your Desires
If your partner and you are a full-bodied YES to finding the fun in your relationship and if you're listening to and acknowledging blocks and voices that are trying to protect you and keep you in your routine, the next step is to create space to listen to your desires.
What do you desire around having fun in your relationship?
Set a timer for two minutes and take turns with your partner asking and answering this question and allowing anything and everything to arise without judgment.
STEP FOUR: Take Action
Finding the fun in your relationship can become a dangerous daydream where you both talk about it and never take action.
You may talk about the adventurous vacation you want to take, the racy show you want to see, or the spontaneous visit you want to make to that place you heard about. Resentment and regret can pile up when unmet desires go unfulfilled.
So keep talking! What's it going to take to not only find the fun, but HAVE the fun? You may need a babysitter or to save some money. You may want to have the brakes fixed on the car or just set an intention so when you're both ready, you can say YES.
If fact, in this episode of the Epic Couples Podcast, Shaun and I discuss what to say YES to and when to say NO when finding the fun in relationships and in life.
You'll hear me say, “You’re caught in the cycle. You’re caught in the routine. How does anyone find themselves in a space to realize they’re unhappy?”
It's funny how Shaun says, “It’s about just saying yes…What we forget to do in our relationships is to just say yes to things that are outside of the routine.”
Tune in as we share how to ask questions, say yes, and make your life epic.
Then be curious about how listening to what you really want can lead to feeling alive and connected in your life and to your partner.
I am wishing you many EPIC ADVENTURES as you say YES and find the fun in your relationship.