It may seem a little crass and make your skin crawl with confrontation.
Or you might be rolling your eyes and thinking, DUH!
The experience for each of us is personal and unique, and the effects on each couple are personal and unique.
You may—or may not—do it.
You may—or may not—talk about it with your partner.
I invite you to consider what doing it—and talking about it—might do for your relationship.
And to be clear, by - it - I mean self-pleasuring or masturbating.
In this week's episode of the Epic Couples Podcast entitled, Self-Pleasuring in Relationships, Shaun and I each share our self-pleasure practices and how those practices influence our relationship.
Listen as we explore how the way in which you start masturbating affects how you feel about pleasure and sex with your partner.
You'll hear Shaun say:
Maintaining a relationship with yourself is equally as important as maintaining a relationship with your partner. The happier you come into your relationship the more you are likely to help mend your relationship or make it better, allow it to grow, listen to your partner, and meet their needs if they’re unhappy.
I invite you to be open to whether there’s a connection between how you self-pleasure and how you have sex.
If you see a possible connection, try out one or two of my four favorite holistic sex tools (there are more!) during your self-pleasure practice to then bring into your sex life:
TOOL 1: BREATH
Changing your breath during self-pleasuring changes your experience of pleasure. Taking in a longer and fuller breath and exhaling just as long and smoothly helps to slow down and create more sensitivity and a deeper sense of connection with your body.
Even as you can also use breath as a tool for soothing your nervous system and breaking through blockages you feel, the breath can also be activating. Some people find hearing, feeling and using their breath to be a deep turn-on.
TOOL 2: SOUND
Opening your mouth, relaxing your jaw and letting out authentic sounds liberates you! Once you get over the initial discomfort and fear of judgment, sounding encourages you to express yourself and can encourage you to deeply surrender to pleasure.
Sounding is also helpful for moving energy within the body. It helps men last longer, and just like breath, sounding can release blockages and trauma from the body.
TOOL 3: MOVEMENT
Slowing down and focusing on the movement of your body allows you to develop awareness and strength.
By gently squeezing and releasing or moving in and out or side to side, you can create an embodied sexuality and a sense of sexual freedom.
The most basic way to play with movement during self-pleasuring is to squeeze and hold for a count of five and then to relax all of your muscles for a count of five. Repeat this a few times, and keep in mind to always mix equal parts strength with relaxation to avoid creating tension in the body.
TOOL 4: FOCUS
When you self-pleasure, where is your attention usually? Try shifting your focus to parts of the body and to sensations, because where you focus changes how you feel inside and your experience of pleasure.
For example, you can focus on your genitals, on your hips, on your belly, on your chest, on your throat, or on your head. Each of these will bring a new experience and a different sensations to self-pleasuring.
Be curious about how a transformation in your connection to your self-pleasure can benefit and improve your relationship.
It can be as easy as breath, sound, movement, or focus. <3
Sending you tons of love,