#1 Obstacle in the Way of Getting What You Want In Your Relationship

Before I even sat down with Shaun to record this week’s podcast, I was frustrated and angry.

You see, each episode is a snapshot into our relationship and into our lives at that moment. 

We don’t preplan and prepare to manipulate you into seeing us in a certain way.

We show up live, authentic, and in-the-flow to share with you a behind-the-scenes look at our relationship.

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True.

We privilege our relationship.

We prioritize family.

And we’ve done a lot of work and explored through trial-and-error how to improve what we have.

(Okay. Mostly that’s just been me. Shaun is game to ride along, though.)

This time, though?

We sat down to record, and I started thinking about the last couple of episodes.

“What the fuck?" I thought. "Why can't we get it together?” 

Shaun and I know a whole bunch of things that can take us from where we are to where we want to be.

What the fuck is getting in the way of that happening?

In this episode of the Epic Couples Podcast, entitled Fear Times Four, Shaun and I talk about fear—fear of being vulnerable, fear of rejection, fear of loss, and fear of change.

Here me say, “I think it all comes down to fear of loss. it's so ironic because you're with your partner because you are capable of being vulnerable with them, at least in the beginning. This person knows you the best and should understand your vulnerabilities and be the most compassionate around them.”

Listen as Shaun says, “There's that fear of being vulnerable in front of your partner and telling them something that might upset them or might disappoint them or that might cause judgment.”

Through our conversation I invite you to reflect on how fear may tie you up from asking your partner for what you need and from offering what it is they need.

And here's how I want you to test for fear in your relationship:

Ask your partner if they are open to and available for taking fifteen minutes to try my number one tool for connection and communication in relationships:

Desires, Fears, and Loves.

Then notice what happens. 

Are you nervous about asking?

Is your partner hesitant about saying yes?


What's holding you back? What's standing in the way?

Does it smell like fear?

I invite you to explore the ways in which you can hold your fear and be brave while taking a step forward toward your partner.

I believe in you both.

And I'm sending you all my love,
Daniela