What Happens During Sex When Women Experience Pain and Men Experience Discomfort?

Last week Lili Loofbourow penned an opinion piece for The Week entitled The Female Price of Male Pleasure (You can check it out here.). 

In it, Loofbourow illuminates how men and how women experience sex in different ways.

"Bad sex" for men is likely to be described as having "a passive partner or a boring experience."

For women, "bad sex" is more likely to involve "coercion, or emotional discomfort or, even more commonly, physical pain."

When it comes to "good sex," women often mean sex without pain, and men often mean they had orgasms.

Men and women are using two different scales for describing the same sexual act.

That's a problem.

In this week's episode of the Epic Couple's Podcast entitled When Sex is Painful, Shaun and I give you inside access to what recently happened in our relationship when I experienced pain and when Shaun was uncomfortable during sex. 

We share our thoughts and experiences around penis-in-vagina sex, including what happens when pain and discomfort arise for us during sexual acts.

I invite you to listen as we discuss the path of purification and the path of pleasure and how deep healing is possible while honoring both of your boundaries.

Hear Shaun say, “If you have this lofty expectation that sex will be better than the last time, or the same, it leads to disappointment” while I say, “In order to get to pleasure, sometimes you gotta travel the path of purification, which means you have to do some of the healing and some of the feeling around it not being super awesome every single time.”

Through our conversation, explore your own unspoken expectations and what stories come up for you around sex.

What is your scale like with regards to "bad sex" and "good sex"?

Consider what holds you back from being vulnerable in the bedroom and what you desire from sex with your partner. 

Then post a comment below. Let me know what happens when sex is painful for your partner and you.

It's time we start having these conversations.

All the love,
Daniela