Desires, Fears, Loves
To get started, sit with your partner and face one another. Your knees can be touching or you can have a few inches or centimeters between the two of you.
Before you hit play, keep a few things in mind.
When you are speaking to your partner:
Be honest. Don’t think about what you want to say. Just say it. Let your response come out without censoring yourself.
Keep talking the whole time. You don’t need to pause.
When you are listening to your partner:
Remember this is a time to hold space for your partner. As much as possible, don’t take what your partner says personally.
If your partner pauses, say to them, “Thank you,” and ask the question again.
Stick with the wording of each question. These questions are designed for the greatest amount of intimacy and connection between you two.
If your partner says something that upsets you or brings up a strong reaction, do your best to not respond and to keep listening. Breathe. If you can’t let it go, then afterward you can bring it up while making sure to take responsibility for your feelings. Share how you feel and why, and take care not to blame your partner. Let them feel that sharing with you is safe without the threat of being attacked or blamed for it later.
Remember, this practice builds intimacy and connection by providing a safe container for you and your partner to be brave and vulnerable.
It starts with holding space for one another without judgement, without reaction, and without needing to fix anything.
This allows each of you to express yourself fully and completely.