Starting A Sex Practice

Photo by  Toa Heftiba

Photo by Toa Heftiba


Get Inspired and Listen to Start A Sex Practice
on The Epic Couple’s Journey Podcast.


Decide on a date and time when your partner and you have 1-2 hours of private, uninterrupted, focused time. You can think of it as a date night or even a date morning. Make sure you both put it on your calendars. Then take care of any babysitting or other responsibilities that might get in the way of the two of you enjoying this time for your relationship.


Make sure you have a timer (like the one on your phone) and a body-friendly oil like coconut, almond, or sesame oil on hand. I also like to have hands towels nearby and make sure I have clean hands and short nails. You can also gather anything else you feel inspired to bring into your sex practice like a blindfold, a feather, something textured, or other creative objects. Finally, decide whether you’d like music playing in the background, and get a playlist going for the amount of time you’ve set aside.

To start your sex practice, start with the Desires, Fears, Loves practice with your partner, and focus on what you really want for this sex practice, what you fear around this sex practice, and what you love about your partner.


Choose who will go first. The first person will lie down while the other will sit between their legs or alongside their body to reach different parts.

Set the timer for 20 minutes.


As the person who is giving, warm your hands and cover them in oil. Begin by stroking your partner’s body with lots of love and attention. Start by oiling up your partner’s body in different ways. Always start with light pressure and slow movement. Then you can ask your partner: 

     How is the pressure? Would you like a lighter or deeper pressure?
     How is the speed? Would you like a slower or faster pace?

If you are the person who is receiving, lay back to receive love and attention from your partner. Feel the sensations in your body with your partner’s touch, and continue to breathe. Gently request what you want. You can ask your partner:    

     Can you change the pressure to be lighter/deeper?
     Can you change the speed to be slower/faster?

Continue to enjoy one another until you’re ready to move on to the next step or you can continue doing this until the timer goes off.


The partner who is giving can then ask the partner who is receiving:

     Would you like to explore?

The partner who is receiving can then take time to check in with their body’s response. As the receiver, you are looking for a full-bodied YES. Not a no. Not a maybe. A full-bodied yes. It could feel like heat, an expansion, tingles. Whereas a no or a maybe could feel like coolness, a constriction, or nausea. 

If the answer is no or maybe, continue to enjoy oiling and stroking your partner until the timer goes off or until there feels like an another opening to ask:

    Would you like to explore?

If the answer is yes, start to explore your partner’s body.

If your partner has a penis, try exploring and touching their stomach, inner thighs, groin, shaft, frenulum, testicles, perineum, and any other place you think they’d enjoy.  You can try movements like these:

– Long, slow strokes
– Short, faster strokes
– Deep pressure
– Slow circles with four of your fingers
– Using your fingers lightly
– Using both thumbs to stroke firmly
– The palms of your hands to stroke
– Pulling on their testicles

If your partner has a vagina, try exploring and touching their inner thighs, belly, pelvis, outer vaginal lips, clitoris, perineum, vaginal opening, inner vaginal lips. You can try movements like these:

– Long, slow strokes
– Shorter, faster strokes
– Placing hands firmly on her body
– Holding their vaginal lips between two fingers and stroking up and down
– Stroking up and down with your thumbs along their groin and below their vaginal opening
– Placing your whole palm over their clitoris and doing small vertical or circular motions

Be creative, too. You can try anything as long as you ask for and receive feedback from your partner. The most important thing is to explore your partner with love and attention and to allow your partner to receive and feel.

If you are receiving, your only responsibility is to feel each sensation and to guide your partner in this exploration. Keep your mind focused on the sensations. Ask for more or less pressure, more or less speed, and more or less intensity as you desire while allowing your body to move, sound, and express in any way it needs. This can show up as pleasure or as purification. 


When the timer goes off or after the experience feels complete, switch positions. The person giving now becomes the receiver, and the person receiving will now be giving. 

Take time to ensure both of you are comfortable, especially if you need to take a few moments to stretch or move before getting into the next position.

Set the timer for 20 minutes, and repeat steps 4 and 5 for the new receiver.


If you both agree to it, set the timer for another 20 minutes. If one or both of you would like to stop here, move to step 8.

With this third round, use the time to play, explore, and generally just be together in a way that's curious and open. Follow your whims and desires without expectations or pressure, and practice expressing your sexuality with your partner. 


Afterwards, take a few minutes to share what you both experienced, what you felt, and what you loved about the session. You may have experienced pleasure. You may have experienced a wide variety of emotions and sensations. The path of purification can look like crying, screaming, kicking, shutting down, numbing out, or moving through resistance. It’s all okay. It’s all allowed within your sex practice. Let your sex be whatever it wants to be. 

Finally celebrate the start of your sex practice and the opportunity to be an epic couple!


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